Sean Spicer handed in his resignation letter to President Trump today and boy, are we worried.
Contrary to conventional guidance counselor wisdom, the man appears to have left his job without acquiring a new one. So angered was he by the administration's constant lies and deception -- sorry, the appointment of Anthony Scaramucci -- that he resigned, effective immediately.
Spicey, we'd love to help.
SEE ALSO:Reporters react to Sean Spicer's departureBelow are a list of possible career options for Spicer now that he's free of Trump and able to go wherever his stocky heart pleases.
Right wing Republicans have been cashing it on MSNBC and CNN simply by branding themselves as sassy disenchanted conservatives who hate Trump.
Sean Spicer can rest easy knowing he will be remembered as the greatest White House Easter Bunny who ever lived. pic.twitter.com/L8WbzS21i4
— Brooke Rogers (@bkerogers) July 21, 2017
Spicer absolutely shined as a 7' foot human rodent.
Sean Spicer is one of the thickest, most compact human beings to have ever stood at that podium. I would gladly have him protect me from some of the largest known bros in the universe.
This is the career of choice for approximately 100 percent of shitty people I went to college with.
This is the career that inevitably follows when you choose career #5.
When boring people think about taking risks, their brain first goes to "improv comedy," where they are confident they would have shined if only they hadn't listened to Daddy and chosen a more traditional career.
It's not so far from what he was doing in his last job, anyways.
Rollerblading is the exercise of choice for DC's down-and-out.
Spicer has already shown a strange affinity for bushes and the unique protection they offer.
Whatever, forget ideas #1-10. It's a matter of time before Spicer writes a tell-all book about the Trump administration and every lie, gross representation and dangerous accusation he made is forgiven.