The virtual boyfriend is an important part of the gaming experience for all of us who do not fit into the neat box of heterosexual male player.
With a few key exceptions, games have mostly been made under the assumption that the person holding the controller was exactly that. But many of us aren't. So what are we supposed to do with all the gruff, good-looking dudes who make up the majority of game protagonists and characters?
Well, some of us imagine what it would be like to date them. Vividly.
So to quench our collective thirst, here's a short, incomplete, but very carefully curated list of the top ten most datable fictional men in games:
Jake Gyllenhaal eat your heart out, because our Prince is spoken forCredit: ubisoftLet's be clear: The Prince is a douchebag. He's rich, pompous, self-important, selfish, insufferable -- but we'd be lying if we said that stopped us from falling head over heels for him.
And to be fair, he only starts out the game that way. Through his journey with Farah, the Prince actually learns to become an upstanding dude. He even sacrifices his love for her, giving it all up for the greater good.
Also another important note: We're only referring to the Prince of Persia fromSands of Time rather than the very out-of-character Prince from the subsequent games, who suddenly discovered Hot Topic and eyeliner.
I'll find your hidden blade, EzioCredit: ubisoftWe know, we know. Ezio is basically one of history's greatest womanizers. But like others on this list, Ezio grew up over the several games he starred in.
And we are too weak to fight off his irresistible, diablocial levels of Italian charm.
Also since we saw Ezio at various stages in his life, you can choose from a wide swath of age preferences. From boyish trouble-maker Ezio to grizzled seen-too-much bearded Ezio, it's dealer's pick. (We're partial to the latter, though.)
Get at us, GarrusCredit: biowareHey, don't knock a Turian till you've tried one! And by all accounts, trying out Garrus as a romantic partner in Mass Effectis one of the most rewarding decisions you can make in the entire series.
The love for Garrus is real. Like, extremely. Fans fell so hard for Garrus inMass Effect 1that the second installment actually opened up the option to pursue him as a romantic partner. And pursue we did.
And if you're caught up on the whole him being an alien with insect-like features and talons, then you did not learn the lessons either Mass Effect or The Shape of Waterwere trying to teach.
Garrus doesn't just deserve love. It's us who must become worthy of his fierce loyalty and thicc bod.
I swear to god, though, Spidey if you don't text us back -- you're off the listCredit: sony/insomniac gamesConfession: we already wrote an extensivearticle dissecting exactly what makes Insomniac Games' version of Peter Parker such a damn catch. The TL; DR is: watch a Spider-Boy grow into a Spider-MAN before your very own eyes (thanks to MJ.)
Hanzo the Hunk, amirightCredit: blizzardThe raw sexual energy of Hanzo needs little explanation. I mean, look at the man...
But behind Hanzo's hardened warrior heart is actually a lot of tragedy and love, too. His backstory revolves around being forced to take his own brother's life, then breaking away from his family and everything he'd ever known to find a new path.
Consider us shot through the heart with one of your love arrows.
Shout out to Bayek delivering some of the only sex scenes in games that were actually sexyCredit: ubisoftWe hesitated to put Bayek on the list, only because he already has a perfect wife.
But with no disrespect to our Queen Aya, Bayek is peak datability. Committed to protecting his country, its citizens, the oppressed, and his family -- and also exuding an undeniable badassery -- he's the definition of boyfriend material.
Not to mention he loves a woman who can not only match his strength, but exceed it.
Kratos gives "Daddy" a whole new meaningCredit: sony santa monicaNo one wears war paint like the god himself.
But we'd like to preface his entry on our list with the addendum that the Kratos of the original trilogy belongs nowhere near the labels of "datable," "husband," "father," "boyfriend," or really even "human."
The Kratos of the 2018 revival cannot be redeemed for the atrocities he committed in the past, either. But the capacity for growth he demonstrates throughout the game is admirable. Also, he's a man who loves a strong woman, committed to doing right by her memory, wishes, love, and the child they bore together.
Also, like, have you SEEN those back muscles? Boooooooy.
joel antonio banderas gifCredit: Naughty dog/Tal PelegMuch like his actions in The Last of Us, it's hard to justify Joel's inclusion on the list, let alone giving him such a high spot in our rankings.
Joel is not a good dude. On the surface, it looks like he selflessly protects Ellie. But by the end, he reveals his love and protection of her to be more about his own needs than hers.
Yet we cannot deny the raw, potent datability of a man with a Southern drawl who's an unstoppable force of ferocious protection. He's also proven willing to take orders from strong women leaders, as demonstrated by his early relationship with Tess.
We'll let you pistol whip whatever you want, JohnCredit: rockstar gamesThere ain't nothing sexier than a man with a backbone. And say what you will about John Marston, but he's got a one-track mind when it comes to his path of redemption. Sure, he used to be an outlaw. But who didn't dabble in some illegal shit back before Westerns became revisionist?
John Marston is, at heart, a family man. He wants the simple life. And we want to live it right there beside him on the porch, watching the cattles graze.
And obviously, you know the quickest gun in the West isn't just good with his hands when they're wrapped around a pistol, if you catch our drift ;)
Our love for Lee Everett is undyingCredit: telltale gamesWhat is there to even say about Lee Everett, one of the most pure and upstanding men to ever grace video games? No matter how you played Lee in this moral-decision making journey, his heart was always in the right place.
Lee saw the destruction of society, and chose to become a man of responsibility and love. Unlike so many dads of the apocalypse in games (including those on our list), he didn't harden his heart. He chose to open it up after the world as he knew it ended. In the process, he created family out of a hodge podge group of misfits.
Lee Everett wins our list because he isn't just datable. He's the best partner you'll ever have, sticking with you through the hardest of times.
TopicsGaming
